TOP 5 Reasons People Stay In BAD RELATIONSHIPS (Ask A Shrink)
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hey today I want to talk about being ina bad relationship knowing you're in abad or troubled relationship but youjust don't have the strength theconfidence the wherewithal to end orleave the relationship and Bradshaw I'ma licensed therapist on today's ask ashrink like I say I want to talk aboutwhy it's so difficult to leave difficultrelationships you know you're in it youknow the red flags are there you knowthere's a bunch of trauma chaos going onyou know this person maybe can't betrusted maybe you're even a victim ofhaving been physically sexually verballyabused by this person who so-calledloves you so you know the warning signsare there so why is it so hard to leaveso one of the top things is we have torealize we can love somebody and stillknow that they're bad for us so not getso confused on the notion of I'm in lovewith them we love each other both cancoincide you can fall in love withsomebody but still realize there's a lotof red flags they're not healthy for meI need to get away from this person thealternative is to be with that personand suffer the consequences so stepnumber one be aware of when you'reconfusing love through making a rationaldecision that's in your best interest inthe long term another place where peopleget really confused as I've spent allthis time on the person if I can't reapthe rewards well nobody else is going tobe able to reap the rewards so I'mstaying I'm stuck right here and so thatgoes into the feeling of investment oftime you've put in a feeling of thatyou've wasted time which in a way it'snot a waste at all it's a learningexperience you had to learn to get towhere you're at this place in your lifewhich is a healthier outlook becauseyou're questioning now right you'rethinking I don't want to be here anymoreI need to get out that's a healthy placeto be and the only way to get to thatplace sometimesis to go through the Charma that you'vebeen through with this person so I knowwhat seems like a dichotomy in a way butactually it's a very healthy place in arelationship or marriage to realizenow's the time to get out and as opposedto being a waste of time inquote unquote all the investment oryears you put in or our time together orwe raise the kids together actually justsimply means now that you've grownenough inside to realize what's healthyand not healthy what you're willing totolerate and not tolerate and you havehigher self esteem now to make somedecisions which maybe it will take youout of that relationship sometimespeople don't leave because they feelemotionally or physically threatenedso that's manipulation so be aware ifyou're feeling manipulated in yourrelationship because that could bekeeping you in that's another hardreason to leave relationships sometimesso often you have to think if I'm beingemotionally manipulated what's going onhere am I getting beaten down like adoormat or something and so I'm losingmy sense of self-esteem and confidencethat I'm afraid to go on with my life ormaybe your significant other is actuallymaking threats against any potentialpeople you may be with down the road soyou're afraid on that level so eitherwhich way it's a form of manipulationand be aware that manipulations aresimply falsehoods there's nothing tothem there's no substance because beingin a fear-based relationship is nevergoing to work a relationship thatsupports you up lifts you gives youconfidence helps you in life makes youthink you can be the best person thatyou can be that's the kind ofrelationship you want to be in and ifyou have somebody like that that's greatbut if you have somebody who's pullingyou down emotionally or physicallythrough some sort of threatsthat's intimidation and you want to getaway and again that's something to beaware of in terms of don't stay becauseof that sometimes people don't think itthrough to this level and they just staythey give up and say like oh well hesaid he's gonna beat up my futureboyfriend anyhow so why I'm as well justsay no you need to think it throughrealize a lot of these are empty threatsand if they're not empty threats andguess what you can call the policeso there are options there arealternatives just don't stay somewherewhere you're at because you don't feellike there's other alternatives that'sfair base right there to take somethingto tolerate something that you're nothappy with because you're thinking likeoh this is the best I can do anotherreason people stay is because there'sjust so few other options out therewhat's a woman to do what's a guy to dothere's so few options such alimited pool of people available wellthat's that negative self-talk alreadyis forming your future those thoughtsare real when we can make our thoughtsbe real our thoughts can predict ourfuture because after all there arethoughts so be aware of your thoughtsand if they're limiting you and ifthey're pulling away from allowing youto explore your potential if you'vedecided in advance that there's nobodyout there at all who's going to meetyour qualifications who makes enoughmoney for you who can possibly satisfyyou in bed the way you'd like to besatisfied who is good-looking inhandsome or beautiful enough for you ifyou're having all these strong criteriaswhich are unrealistic in many ways thenyes you are setting your own path inthat way that's why it feels sorestrictive your thoughts aredetermining your future so a better wayto look at it is I don't know I'm at acrossroads I'm gonna fork in the road Iknow this is an unhealthy relationshipover here I'm leaving that and now letme see what the universe brings to me Idon't know right now I may either be ina relationship or not if I am in arelationship who knows who I'll meet howI'll fall in love how that will allunfold we can't really always predictthat or on the flip side if I'm not in arelationship who knows what the universehas in store for me maybe some wonderfulopportunity or new career paths or whoknows what but you have to be open youcan't let your thoughts determine thingsin advanceanother thing that keeps people trappedin relationships is because they haven'tdone enough work on themselves to goinward and understand where they're atspiritually emotionally and mentally wehave to know ourselves we have tounderstand why we want our relationshipin the first place what we're lookingfor what we're hoping to give what we'rehoping to get that takes some insightand that takes some work sometimestherapeutic work once we understand thatwe can then more clearly see red flagsif we're dating somebody or withsomebody who's not treating us well nowsometimes people are just so determinednot to be alone just an innate fear deepdown like anything is better than mebeing alone in this world that in and ofitself is going to be the doom of you soto speak because if wecan't believe on some level that we'reperfectly capable to handle our own lifeand be out in this world and functioningwell in terms of having some self esteemand pleasurable days and meaningfulrelationships and enjoying our career inour life if we can't see a baseline likethat then that's a problem now once wereach a baseline like that and we feelgood about ourselves in that way thencertainly we can add to that with arelationship if we choose to but therelationship is the icing to the cake sothink about it in terms of are youlooking at the icing of the cake or isthere no cake at all and if there's nocake at all then that has nothing to dowith the people out there that you maypotentially date or marry that's aboutyou liking yourself enough to where youcan feel comfortable in your own skin tolive alone if that's how the rest ofyour life works out so you need to reacha comfort level with that first and ifyou're having trouble with that what'sthat aboutwhat are those insecurities about what'sthat low self esteem about what's thatself-worth about that you're not seeingthe value of yourself just for you butyou have to place it on other peopleexternals to make you feel good sothat's the kind of work you would haveto do in order to find the cake rightbecause the icing to the cake is finebut you have to have the cake there tobegin with so I hope some of these tipshave been helpful it's really sad howsometimes people stay in long-termrelationships when they're just nothappy at all and are being mistreatedpeople do it all the time I know I didit once in my life and it all tied intoenormous fear of being alone so I had todo that therapeutic work it takes a longtime it's a process but once you reach aplace where you understand yourself moredeeply then you begin to treat yourselfbetter and then you're more capable ofchoosing a healthy partner please leaveme some comments below I'd love to hearfrom you and please subscribe to thisYouTube channel if you like these kindof videos and until next week i'm bradshaw signing off from ask a shrinkyou

In this video I give you the top 5 reasons why, and a lot to think about! I’m a Licensed Therapist and answer your questions on ‘Ask A Shrink’

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